14 replies to this topic

[IAMB]

This question is for anyone, but especially for each member of the band.  

When you chose to chase your dreams (music, acting, etc), do you feel like you gave up having something else (getting married and having a family, or something else)?  

Did you ever feel like you were choosing between two different lives for yourself?  


Sorry if that is a ridiculous question.  I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and I don't know which way to go.  And I don't know anyone who understands.  And maybe I'm projecting (I probably am), but many of the lyrics from songs in A Beautiful Lie seem to come from someone who might understand.

Also, you guys were GREAT in Raleigh.  Thanks for the wonderful show

[PROOF]

I'm obviously not a member... in my dreams I'd like to tell you what I think though.  I don't know how things are in your case, but I don't believe that 'you're' giving up amything by chasing your dreams. (lol just thinkin 'don't chase your dreams, let them chase you') If it is something that you want whole heartedly... it will happen, if you want it for the right reason. If you are in a relationship, and the person you are with wants you to give up on your dreams, then... to me, that is them asking you to give up on yourself. Always follow your heart (unless your heartless)

[pale_existence]

I totally understand this question and it's not ridiculous at all! Nice job! I kind of asked a similar question...about allowing yourself to connect.

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This reminds me of, like, the most beautiful fortune ever that I got yesterday. TOTALLY FITTING for me right now:

"Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."

[pale_existence]

I want to add... I think it is actually really cool that you're asking this question and I don't mean to make this about me because I know you're wanting the band to answer. But last night I actually asked myself... the same question but reversed, in a sense.

II took a wrong road somewhere. If you're feeling like you did, too, and it's not too late... change lanes, babe.

[will8929]

This question is addressed a lot in The Adjustment Bureau.
The two main characters are destined to become President of America and world famous dancer, only if they marry, or rather spend their lives together, neither of these things will happen. Granted it's the extreme case but it is a film...
The film puts it like this; we have this ambition, this emptiness that we want to fill, which in particular drives the guy to become President. However love fills that emptiness and we no longer have that driving ambition in the same way. The film ends though with the creator of the 'plan', ie god, changing the plan, such that they can live together and achieve their ambitions at the same time. Suggesting that if you go for what you really want, what you really really want, there is no sacrifice, no compromise.

Look also at the great people in history, i'm not one for specific examples but i am sure there are many people who have changed the world out there, who didn't get married or have children or something similar, and who probably wouldn't have become great if they had.

In my opinion, the most important thing about a 'dream', is that it has to be just that, and not some passing fancy that you'll get over in a year. A dream is the very essence and core of you, something that can destroy you if you are prevented from pursuing it for too long. If what you want really is a dream, then there is no compromise, no sacrifice, in following it. Rather, if you don't pursue it, but choose to follow some conventional norm, you are essentially sacrificing yourself.
Furthermore, if you're following a dream, then nothing is too challenging for you, thus if you also want a family and children, but are uncertain whether they will be supported if you pursue a career in acting or music - a career that isn't a big money earner at first, sacrifices would have to be made. And if you find someone, that bridge should be tackled when it is arrived at. The thing is as well, is that people have much more than they need - materially, and people often have to recognise that, when they follow a dream.

Yeah i know it's meant principally for the band, but i felt like saying something.
Good luck...

[IAMB]

Oh, geez, I thought I responded to this forever ago!  

Anyway, thanks for the responses!  You guys are great

I think that I could be pretty happy in the office-business world... which is what my dad is really pushing me towards.  I'm lucky that I'm good at pretty much anything that I put some effort into.  But I've only found one thing that makes me HAPPY, and I used to think that it was the only thing that I could ever do.  Well... it's expensive.  I might as well just say what it is, because most people probably think I'm talking about being an actress or something.. but alas, what makes me happy is horses, and the horse industry.  If I could train horses, teach riding lessons, and compete at events for a living, I would be SO happy.  Wow.  The problem is that horses are EXPENSIVE, and horse professionals don't have much of a life outside horses... ever.  Which is fine except that eventually I'd like to have a family.  So.. basically I need to marry rich.  Which also seems wrong.

Anyway, that got to be a little stream-of-consciousness.  Anyway... it's not an easy road.  And there isn't a lot of money in it.  But I think it would make me happy...

Will - You're right.  And this is certainly a dream, not a passing fantasy.  I've been thinking about this for years.  But I've been thinking a lot about the different ways I could accomplish the same goal..

Anyway, I'd LOVE to hear what the band thinks - whether they thought about this type of thing along the way, or if they just kept fighting towards their goal the whole time.

[gaelic_ponie]

   In chasing your dreams, nothing is certain.  I think if you choose to chase your dream and you have other needs and wants, like a love life/family life you have to give it a shot.  Isn’t that considered a dream as well? We are not allowed only one dream per lifetime.  It is more of a time/money management issue rather than “I have to settle for one or the other. “

  Also, the partner you choose needs to be on the same page.  (Communication Communication Communication)
As well as you supporting their dream chase as well.  Being in a relationship has no room for egocentricity.  It’s give and take, and if you are always taking or always giving, it definitely will not work.   
  
It would not be good if you stopped chasing your dreams because you feel you are “cutting your losses for something that wasn’t meant to be” without first attempting to make it work.  

    Life is a journey; your heart will be hurt by love lost and sometimes a jarring bump in the road to your dreams. But, when “you fall apart, you need to get back up again” Only you have the power to stop chasing your dreams, whether you fail and give up, your desire for the chase has petered out, or you feel you need to make a choice between dreams, it is still your choice.  
The only things you can control are your choices.  And they will define who you are.

[See-Into-Infinity]

See, i think it's a really good question..

But I, personally, don't have dream. Seriously, I hate it - I just haven't found anything that I care enough about to actually want to do; I mean, there's a lot of stuff that I DON'T want to do but I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I guess like this at least I don't have the problem of not knowing how to fulfil a dream, but it's just so...ARGHH! I think in general I want to do something that's sort of helpful, but that's as far as I've got so i'm finding it really hard to choose what subjects to take because I have nothing to work towards - and I can't just take subjects that I like because, again, I don't particularly CARE about any of them, and on top of that I have the pressure that if i don't choose the right ones now then if I do ever decide what I want to do, I might not be able to do it because I don't have the qualifications.So basically, i'm completely panicking and I don't even have a hobby type thing to fall back on because guess what? I don't have one!

And b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

Anyway, sorry about that little rant and I hope everything works out for you.

[Jaredmaia]

To the non-dreamers, here is something which might help you discover your dream. Start making a list of everything you would like to accomplish in your life, your goals, ideas, plans. Keep writing and then you will come across something which you want so badly, it will make you cry. That is your dream. We all have one, but not all of us have found it yet.

[See-Into-Infinity]

Thank You.

[IAMB]

gaelic_ponie - you're right that people don't just have one dream.  I guess I lose sight of that sometimes when I'm stressing about one thing or the other.  I think this is why I'm having such a hard time with this... so thanks for the reminder.  

Jaredmaia - I think that type of exercise is good for the dreamers too!  Because you can always be more clear about what it is that you are heading towards and fighting for.

I think I need to go do some writing... and we'll see if I can come up with a more plausible plan that takes care of all of my dreams!

see-into-infinity - one thing that I have learned recently (although I'm still working on it) is that inaction does no good.  If we want to figure out what will truly make us happy, we need to take action.  This could be doing what Jaredmaia said, or just spending a whole bunch of time exploring different things to figure out what interests you the most... more than just internet exploration   Good luck!

[See-Into-Infinity]

Good plan, Thank You

[gaelic_ponie]

 IAMB, on 14 June 2011 - 12:41 PM, said:

gaelic_ponie - you're right that people don't just have one dream.  I guess I lose sight of that sometimes when I'm stressing about one thing or the other.  I think this is why I'm having such a hard time with this... so thanks for the reminder.  

I also have to keep reminding myself that multiple dreams are possible,  it's a struggle but we can do it! ( ^ 5 )
I agree, write out the things you enjoy, then pick them apart to see if you can earn a living in doing them.
Knowledge is key in finding your dream and determination is key in the fruition of that dream.  
You are either all~in or it won't be as satisfying.
Good Luck with Your Dreams!!

[MellyBean]

When chasing my dream, I have to belive that I am capable of reaching that dream. I used to dream of being famous when younger but now I just dream of being someone that myself can love. If someone asked me to give up having something else, then they really do not believe in me. If you are in a relationship, would you ask someone to sacrifice something for their dream. I think not, so why should you. It is possible to chase a dream and still have everything you want. Just try to find a comprise. But never give up on what you want.

At some point in your life, you become two different people, the one that you really are and the one that you show to others i.e. family and friends.
Why not try to see if you can balance them both. I once tried to be "normal" (as my parents once said) but that wasnt me. Why should you have to choose between the two different lives? When they will jsut combine eventually.

Sometimes, no-one can actually help you or understand what your going through. Only yourself can figure out which path to take in your life.
Chase your dream. Live your life. Let no-one change it.

There is always a song that mirrors your life.

[Echelon_Warrior30]

[quote name='Jaredmaia' timestamp='1307664438' post='2294119']
To the non-dreamers, here is something which might help you discover your dream. Start making a list of everything you would like to accomplish in your life, your goals, ideas, plans. Keep writing and then you will come across something which you want so badly, it will make you cry. That is your dream. We all have one, but not all of us have found it yet.
[/quote
I already know my dream it's music.I'm just lost in what I need to do to fully accomplish what I want.Plus others continue to say I will never get fair with it which further cause me doubt myself.