[Westenra's Ghost]

Ok, so something that was said to me this morning has got me thinking, so I thought I'd put this out there for discussion...

Ok.. backstory.. I've been wide awake since before 5am when wrong number guy* called to say he'd been out on the town in Dublin, got back to his car and found it'd had every single window smashed and his wallet stolen, he was tired and cold and could he please crash on my floor for a couple hours as none of his friends were answering the door or phone (well, it was 5am so they were probably all happily in the land of nod.

He seemed kind of amazed that I took him in, considering we'd never met, but hell, if someone calls you asking for help, you help them, don't you?

He seemed to think I must be very nice and trusting and that many folk would not have done it.

Ok so, I like to think of myself as nice, but I'm pretty certain a trusting person wouldn't have slipped a screwdriver under the pillow.. I may be nice, but I'm not stupid

*wrong number guy - 30 yr old Pakistani guy living in Galway who called couple of weeks ago by mistake, looking for someone else, saved my number and now just calls every now and again to say hello because... not sure really.


Thing is, he seemed SO convinced that not many people would have taken in someone they'd never met. Now, obviously I know many people here would do exactly the same thing, but my questions are...

Have we as a society become somewhat inured to the distress of others?

If so, what do you think is the reason for this (be it immersion in media coverage of suffering / egocentrntic attitudes / fear etc)

If a stranger approached you for help (lfor sake of argument let's automatically discount obvious scam artists) would you try to assisit them, even if it meant inconvience to yourself?

[pandorya]

Honestly, I'm a nice person, and I'll be the first one to help someone, but unfortunately my life has made me put conditions on this. I personally would not have taken him in to my home. I have had enough crap happen to me that I just don't trust strangers with my life in that way. If I had money, I probably would drive to said wrong number guy and gave him money for a room or something, but I would never let a complete stranger in to my house, especially on a wrong number dial like that.

It's really nice of you, and I'm glad it turned out for the best and that he actually was a nice and trust worthy person. Most people probably are I suppose, but that certain percent that are lunatics makes me shy away from putting myself in potential harm within my own walls, and even outside of them on certain shady occasions.

[J30STM]

I really have thought about this, would it have been me and a "stranger" would need a place to crash for a couple of hours, I would have said Sorry but no.

This partly stems from stuff that happened in my life and things that you hear about through the news or even happened in my safe environment I call my apartment building. People have broken into garages and last year a woman has been raped in the elevator I use each day. My sisters app got robbed just 5 weeks ago, thankfully she was not home at the time. These things make it harder for people that maybe have only good things in mind and really only need a little help.

But can you ( living as a single woman ) really trust a person, you have only talked too a couple of times on the phone? In your case I am glad to read it was a trustworthy person that you let in to your home, although I was also glad to read you took some sort of precaution just in case. It's sad that the stories you hear or become a part of, can ruin this trust towards others that have no way of taking advantage of someone else helping them out. But that is the environment that has been created throughout stuff spread on the news/web.

If we didn't have all this information, would we react in a different way in the exact same situations?
I had a guy ( clearly drunk and starting to get angry as others wouldn't let him in as well ) ring my downstairs bell at 3 in the morning a few months ago, asking to be let in. I didn't let him in because if he didn't live in this building, there is no telling what a drunk, angry person would/could do. I live on the 12th floor, but by me letting him in, he could also cause potential harm to people living on the first floor. Who's to know and in this case it's better to be safe and sorry I guess.

I try to help people as much as I can, but draw the line at letting an unknown person to enter my own safe space, these days you can't be careful enough.
To answer you last question, I would help a stranger within certain limits that would inconvenience myself. It depends on the help they needed and you need to make a decision at that time and depending on the vibe you get from the person, whether you would or not. There is still the little voice in my head that will guide me and tell me to be aware..and back off if necessary.

[Westenra's Ghost]

I've been beaten up in my life by men (I just come from that kind of family) more times than I can count. An abusive ex tried to strangle me. I've also been raped.

It's made me a very cautius person, but still I have not lost hope in humanity. For all the bad people I've known, I'm still convinced that most are good.

My question however (to clarify) wasn't "would you have done exactly what I did this morning?" but would you try to assist a stranger in need?

Maybe a better example would be Pandy's answer, or another would be the taxi driver that dropped the guy at my door for free and also loaned him a little cash, or, another example could be as simple as helping a little old disabled lady accross the road.... or stopping to help someone at the scene of an accident.. can be anything you can think of...

[Elvira]

It depends on the person, on the situation and what help is needed.

I've helped a friend once. She thanked me by never paying the 900 euros back and stalking me. So I really can't say if I would help a stranger out or not.

[Loruh.]

you're really trusting!
id do what [im sorry i cant remember who said it] would do, and go give them money for a room, i wouldnt let them into myhome if i was living alone.
to behonest though, im a really trusting person so meh.

but yeah, i would put myself out for a stranger. i can't just leave a person if they need help, id do what i could for them.
shit, if i was in need of help id want someone to help me so why would i help someone else?

[Oracle at Delphi]

Lord !
Libs you're far to trusting, and I wish to god things around us did not make that such a rarity, but the facts are how we are today (news, papers, Tv & radio reports )makes most mistrust others around us.
Even helping a person after an accident is suspect, I had a conversation with a first aider, they cannot put a plaster on you, only hand you a plaster (after checking you are not alergic in any way), teachers cannot put sunscreen on childern on hot days , cannot hug them when they have fallen over.
Everyone is afraid of being sued or accused of worse.

I'd never let a complete stranger into my home, (I have helped before by calling for help for the person at the door but I'd never let them in and thankfully they under stood that , because a few yrs back a scam was going around of people calling at the door saying they had had an accident and could they use the 'phone to call their families then casing the pace to be burgled later ) so the answer to your backstory senario would have to be no. I'd have directed him to report the car damage and stolen goods to the police who could assist him SAFELY.

[Miss_Angel]

usually I'm a nice person and always try to help as much as possible to help those who ask me ... but depends on the situation ... I don't know if I would have done the same thing.
I dunno the situation in Dublin, but here in italy we are all a little prejudiced.
take to my home someone I doesn't know I would not, I say this sincerely, but perhaps help solve the problem, maybe give him a ride, find a room to sleep, something to eat ... for the rest I should at least know him or know that he is friend of my friends

[Capricorn1015]

Depends on the situation.

If I see someone on the side of the road that quite obviously needs help, I'd probably stop and see if they need help, call a tow truck, what have you.

Would I take said complete stranger in to my home? No way. Call me a jerk or non-trusting (or maybe it is because I have young kids and am being protective), but I just don't like the idea of strangers coming into my home. I might help them find somewhere to stay but it wouldn't be in my house. *nope*

[Andreina Starkissed!!!]

well what i can say is that i'm a big hearted person... when i see someone that needs help for me it will never matter anything from religion or social status or whatever! i just can't see someone needing help and me just standing there watching the misery

[CandyO]

Interesting question and it seems like a lot of the answers are "yes but it depends on the circumstances" and that's a pretty good answer. As is "my gut will tell me what to do" ... one's gut is usually right. Mostly.

I can think of times I've helped strangers, and I don't just mean the opening a door for someone who needs help with it or letting someone in front of me at the grocery store checkout or getting up to give the little old lady my seat on the bus while the boys and men sit there staring like friggin' buffoons. Grrr.

Way back when I was barely 20 and coming home on the greyhound from a trip I met a 15 year old girl trying to get back home. She told me she had to walk like 5 miles home after the bus let her off. And it was like 11 at night. So I slipped her a ten dollar bill for cab fare when I shook her hand goodbye and she didn't want to take it but I knew that I would be let off close to my house, not five miles away. I couldn't really spare that 10 but I was almost home and I knew what it was like to be young and trying to get home. I told her to take it and someday do the same for someone else.

A few years back I was walking back from shopping and ran across a dude trying to hitchhike cause he did not have money for bus fare. I said man, nobody is gonna pick you up and even if they do they could be scary and the police might arrest you how far do you have to go? And it was far, really far... so I pulled the bus fare out of my purse and gave it to him. Cause it sucks to be that low on cash and that day, I had some to spare.

At my 2nd mars gig, I met up with a guy from here at the bus station in Baltimore - we had chatted in our roll call thread and pm'ed once or twice but technically we were strangers - and when I asked him which hotel he was staying in he said he kinda needed a place to crash and I immediately blurted out "crash in my room but I smoke and I snore and I have to have the tv on to sleep" and looking back I'm like wow, that is definately not the norm for me, letting a strange male or female even stay in my hotel room, but my gut sensed he was okay. And he was - a perfect gentleman he was. And I consider him a friend to this day.

So yeah, it depends on what the situation is, what I may or may not be able to do to help, and what I am comfortable with. America has so many lawsuits about strangers helping people in accidents and stuff [omg she pulled me out of my burning car and broke my wrist doing it so I am suing her!] that I might think twice about something like that. Which is farking sad but it's the truth. I can't afford to be sued for helping someone... I gave my money away to people needing bus and cab fare. :>

*wanders off*

[Dr Frostbite]

I would never.






Unless he was really cute.

[ChrisEchelon]

Probably not..

[PleasantKJ]

Heck no! My phone is cut off at that time of day anyway so it probably wouldn't have been an issue and if he'd shown up at my doorstep....he'd still be knocking. Sorry, I run background checks on people all day and am still amazed at how bad a judge of character I am.....or how really convincing real criminals are. I probably would have blocked his number after his first misdial too.

[fantasy_girl]

I agree with what seems to be the majority and say that circumstances would dictate my actions, I can't give a blanket yes or no for every stranger in need that I may come across.

Westenra's Ghost, I commend you for showing us that there are still people in the world that give a damn about the well being of others.

I'd like to share the most inspiring act of kindness that I have personally seen...

A few years ago, I was on my way home from university, waiting on the train platform when I saw a homeless young man asking the other waiting people for money. Almost everyone that he asked either ignored him or blatantly accused him if begging for drug/alcohol money, those that didn't dropped a few coins in his hand. He came up to an older lady, say 50 - 60 years old, and asked her the same thing, she told him no, that she wouldn't give him any actual money, but if he was hungry she would take him into the cafe on the platform and buy him something to eat, anything he wanted and buy him something that would keep, for him to eat later. The young man, broke into tears and accepted her offer and together they went into the cafe and shared a meal together.

Just as the train was pulling into the station, I saw the Lady buy the young man a ticket onto the train we were getting on to and they got on together.

I have no idea where she bought his ticket to, or if they traveled together, but I still think about him and wonder what happened.

[girlfrthestars (pam)]

yes.

[johnh84]

I didn't read your post and don't know what your question is. But I'm sure this answer will apply: just punch them right in the kisser and HARD, when they least expect it.

You're welcome.

[SaDistiC]

I ll go with the rest of the gang and say : my gutts will dictate my actions.
I often help people out... i believe in Karma and a few extra points on there, can t really hurt
I often gave a place to crash to people i just met(bar, shows, raves)...never had problems till now *touches wood*. Depends on the way i sense the person. And mostly....i dont sleep if they are here...just in case they would try to wonder off with my t.v. You can never be too carefull

I didn't read your post and don't know what your question is. But I'm sure this answer will apply: just punch them right in the kisser and HARD, when they least expect it.
You're welcome.

WOW... talk about a lazy ass LOL
Why even post if you dont know what you are talking about ?
You need to grow up chère