30 Seconds to WTF
Chapter 1: "0:10"
Chapter 1: "0:10"
It was such a nice day, for the voyage to begin. Tomo had already withered the hearts of 3 noble lasses, Matt had created several puddles of love, and Shannon had just recently beaten sixteen children, and taken all (yes, all) of their candy. But, where was Monsieur Leto? Surely, he was masterfully writing new riffs for his band, to gather more sweat to power The Ride. Surely, but no! For Monsieur Leto was in the shower. Oh, how he delighted in his showers. The voyage would begin in just six minutes, but he was taking his time. “Clean behind your knees,” his mother, a constant in his life, had always told him. After all, without clean knees, who could respect themselves? And to think, the CIA and Goody Goodies of the world thought him an unclean, craven monster. How many times had they washed behind their knees? No matter. There were trajection systems, and the final beads of sweat to collect and inject into The Ride. It would begin today.
* * *
“Man, these harnesses are constricting,” Shannon exclaimed, “I can’t reach my friggin’ Mars Bar!” But, hadn’t it been, “You mean those kids’ Mars Bar! How destructive can you be, man,” Tomo quietly responded. He was no monster, evil was a point of view, after all. Oh how he hated the unethical cruelty which Shannon and Jared exhibited, at times. The trip had only begun, and already the bickering had commenced. Another 30 seconds of this, in these close quarters? WTF, ran quietly through his mind.
A gleaming monitor beeped quickly over head, “All systems go,” came the digitized voice of a henchman, "Stew" by name, if Monsieur Leto remembered correctly. He always remembered correctly. “Ready for ejection from the planet, Monsieur Leto.”
“Good, very good, men. Now, you must please forgive me,” came the response of Monsieur Leto, eliciting quiet muttering and questioning facial ticks. Then they knew. “What is that smell... The doors are closing! Don’t let them close! The bastard has loosed mustard gas! I knew I should have asked why we’d need mustard in the facility.” Oh, no... Monsieur Leto would leave no one to divulge his destination. He would never be so careless.
With a deafening roar, The Ride burst into the atmosphere. Of course, no one would know, as it moved so fast, that it merely tears a hole in the fabric of space. The ripples made all living beings within a 130,885 miles puke for days, a parting gift from Monsieur Leto. Now, free of Earth, the members of the Counsel unstrap themselves, and move about the cabin freely. Tomo moves away from his counterparts, Matt colors in a book of his favorite animals, while Shannon finally decides that Mars will be in his belly, damn those harnesses keeping his hands restrained. “Those kids’ Mars Bar, indeed” Shannon thought, “That boy is getting all too suspicious...”
Monsieur Leto merely sat, quietly. 20 seconds more, and he would be able to begin the destruction of that wretched, candy ass infested Earth. Oh, he’d been to Jupiter. He had fallen through the air. If only those fangirls had known the role they’d play...would they have defied him? No matter. All men must be cleansed. Now, if only he had remembered to install a latrine, on The Ride. Who could calculate the chance that you’d have to go, right then? No matter, either. The world was his. And he would make them all wash behind their knees.
brilliant
. it makes me smile.
.
